this is it!

i already applied for a us visa online a few minutes ago.. it's make or break, sink or swim. bahala na! whaaaaaa!!!!

spirit of giving & forgiving

Everybody and everything just pushes me away from where I am right now as if saying I really don’t belong here. From my friends who have made plans of leaving the country (if they leave, ako na lang ang matitira ditto), to my parents who have encouraged me to try my luck some place else (they taught me not to be complacent with where I am because this will stun my growth) and a friend who doesn’t want me in the four corners of the office anymore.

I mean I owe her a lot, and I don’t wanna entertain this paranoia, but I slowly feel this is her home base, this is here terrain. Well, im just so glad im starting to be open to things I haven’t thought of before and that I’m lucky someone’s willing to shoulder the damages. I’m just so blessed to have my Tito in my life.

Perhaps I’m just starting to feel the Christmas spirit, where everybody feels blue and is encapsulated in the spirit of giving.

I believe that people are good in nature. Sometimes they are just blinded by personal motives. Im happy I have other friends who empathize. And I thank God for that.

on leaving and being left behind

this is it! we finally heard from janice that her flight bound to dubai will be on october 19th. she sent us a short and sad message. i suddenly felt a jolt of thunder on my chest. this is it,this is goodbye...for now.

the message said that she'll miss us and that she's thankful for everything we've done for her. in retrospect, every "leaving" that i've encountered in my life consists of a series of "thank yous" and the assurance that something or someone will be sorely missed. leaving -- be it physically, "spiritually," temporarily or permanently entails a certain kind of pain that's being inflicted in a person, be it the one leaving or the one being left behind.

a person leaving something or someone hurts just as half as the one being left behind. the dumpee will always hurt more than the dumper. it will be a great lie to say otherwise. the one who left has probably thought of all the possible logical reasons that will persuade the one he's leaving that it's the right thing to do, that he will be happier if he goes this way,and that he's doing this for his own well-being. no matter how hard or how devastating things can be,the one left behind will always have to make do with these reasons. most of the time, if not always, he will have to give in to the persuasion though he may not understand. the least thing one could do is have faith in the person that his happiness can be found elsewhere,as well as success,growth and that peculiar feeling that will make him say "i'm home."

well,i think we all should not be afraid of change. everyone,at some point in our lives,will have to move to another "place." we have to always be resilient to change, kailangan natin mabuhay kahit saan man tayo itapon. i believe it's human nature -- we grow, we move on to experience better things in life. we just have to be "accepting." after all,bilog ang mundo. lahat tayo at some point aalis,and for sure lahat tayo iniwanan. but i'm sure we will arrive at something good. yeah,i can't wait! ;-)

on angels and broken wings

i played a very important role today -- an angel.

i met with an old friend who just came back from the states. it was
nice seeing him again. i was just saddened coz he's currently caught in a
dilemma: to marry or not to marry. you see,he is about to get married
in a few months. they're busy preparing for the wedding,making
reservations and appointments and all. one big problem: he's having doubts. he
and his fiancée aren't speaking for a few days now because of some
misunderstanding. the girl still has unresolved issues involving her
family, herself and the relationship. man,i was so careful with what to say
as the issue is highly sensitive. i tried so hard not to give a piece of
advice,especially if uncalled for. trying hard to bring out the
psychologist in me,i presented him with options and scenario that will
somehow broaden his view. after all,the last thing he ever needed was a piece
of advice. after all,i trust that he's a smart kid. all he needed was
an ear to listen.. and listen close. i was just so moved when he said i
was always there when he needed a friend desperately. he wouldn't
wanna tell it to his other friends coz he believes no one will take him
seriously. at first,i was adamant to accept his dinner invitation, but im
just glad i did.

later that night,i received a text from another guy friend. he asked
how i was. he's not the type who'd check on me,so i sensed something was
wrong. he was having dinner with an ex-girlfriend. he was hurt when he
knew she is still sleeping with a guy she knows from work. i know how
hard and painful for my friend to hear that,as we all know how the mail
ego works. he was so furious when he learned that the girl hasn't
informed her family that they've long been over. and that she and the fuck
buddy aren't in a committed relationship (duh!). he's having a hard time
accepting it although it's been months since he knew about this.

you know,i may not have given my two friends a sound advice,but being
there to listen was reason enough for them to feel better and be hopeful
enough that things will fall into place. i know i have somehow eased
their burdens. i really appreciate the trust that these two boys gave
me.

c'mon guys,admit it. i'm your angel 0:-)

five stages of dying

elisabeth kubler - ross, in her 1969 book "on death and dying," applied the stages of dying (a.k.a. the stages of grief)to any form of catastrophic loss -- of family, a job, a loved one. studies say it doesn't have to come in chronological order, nor one does have to experience all stages. these stages do not pertain to loss of life per se, but also of routine, friendship, even customary activities. any change in one's way of life may bring about these stages.

let me delve deeper into the stages.

stage 1: denial - the initial stage, "this can't be happening." it takes time for people to accept changes. change puts a stop to continuity, to fluidity of things that a person has grown accustomed to. the world will never be the same without that one thing that used to be part of it.

stage 2: anger - the common question: "why me? this is unfair!"
this is where all the blame comes in. one can blame himself, another person, or even god for the mishaps he has experienced. intense anger can build up and a person can think of ugly things towards others, like hurting them intentionally, and to extreme cases, taking his own life.

stage 3: bargaining - "let me be so i can be"
this is where a person bargains for something just to pacify an immediate need. a powerful coping mechanism and a vain expression of hope that bad news is reversible.

stage 4: depression - the final realization of the inevitable.
it finally dawns on a person that "death" is inevitable. we all go through it, and some experience it early on in life, some later. a person prepares himself for the final battle -- giving up on the belief that it is over and it will never come back to how it was like before.

stage 5: acceptance - "i'm ready, i'm going to be okay"
after exhausting all the efforts to bring things back, finally, a stage that finally makes one accept his fate. to the hopefuls, like goes on for them. they seek better friendship, relationship and endeavors. one continually seeks for more productive things, healthier relationships and more caring affinities. bottom line: life goes on.

i'm not sure what stage i'm in right now. i just hope to accept things already, heal from my wounds and learn from this experience.

hit me baby one more time

I have never been a Britney Spears fanatic. I think, I’m even one of those who criticize her for the decisions she makes in life. At such a young age, she enjoyed stardom and had the world at her very own hands. She fell in love and lost her virginity. She claimed Justin was “the one” so didn’t hesitate giving herself to him. Playing naïve huh? Biatch!

Fast track to 2005 when she married her back-up dancer Kevin Federline. Ha! That loser! He comes around shopiing with his boys, using Britney’s moolah. While he bums around, not earning for the family.

Now that their divorce is in the works (or has it been granted?), US courts decided to grant Kevin the custody of their 2 young boys. I just feel so sad for Britney because after her heartache, her breakdown (remember her head-shaving moments?) and now her divorce.

I think the most painful thing a mother can experience is for her kids to be taken away from her. The courts decided that she isn’t fit to raise her boys for being constantly under the influence of controlled substance and alcohol. She doesn’t even have a valid driver’s license for crying out loud!

Well, I honestly hope she gets her act together. After all, there’s life after a storm. I hope she realizes all the crazy things she’s done before everything is taken away from her – her children, her career, her life. I do believe she has a lot of fans and friends who support and pray for her.

all good things must come to an end

my girls and i just capped a 3-hour karaoke session we've been itching about for the longest time. it's been a year since we unleashed the diva in us. ive been tossing and turning on my bed as my adrenaline is still kicking. thus i was compelled to compose this blog entry.

i'm naming this entry "all good things must come to an end."

yes,i did enjoy our singing. i gave my all to the point of losing my voice. i think i'm gonna have to shut up the whole day to recover my voice. but even if we all had the voice to utilize, even if we had the time to spare, even if we had the cash to burn, the night still had to end.

this will be our last major gimik before janice finally leaves for dubai. she's leaving next week and we're not sure if we will still see her before her flight. ha! she wanted to spare the drama.

she will always be remembered by the way she sang and danced tonight. man,she went ballistic! we were all laughing at her as she gyrated on the floor while singing at the top of her lungs. we've never seen this side of her. since one crazy chick. haha,as if we aren't.

so i guess i'm temporary saying goodbye to our friendship -- goodbye to karaoke addiction, goodbye to "gala," goodbye to everything we've learned to do in the past months we were together constantly. i wish my friend well. will pray for your safety and success.


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super saya ng kantahan. super emote sa "land of the loving," "your love" and "lost in your eyes." super hataw sa "i will survive," "last dance," "let's get loud," "footloose," "fergalicious" at ang club anthem na "name game." nagpakajologs sa "halik" at "total eclipse of the heart!!!" nakakaaliw talaga mag videoke. this is one of our staples na talagang mami-miss ko.
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